6 years going on 75

First of all, just wanted to say THANK YOU, from the bottom of our hearts for all of your sweet comments from my previous post.  They were so wonderful and comforting to read.  A big thanks to those of you who shared your own heart breaking/strengthening experiences with miscarriage.  It was very helpful to hear and feel from you.  Once again, we feel so blessed to have so many amazing and strong friends and family.


On another note, today marks 6 years of marriage for John and I! I want to say the typical, "Wow, time flies by fast," because it definitely has, but at the same time, I am starting to get to the point where I am having a hard time remembering what life was like before "us".   It definitely has been very hard at times, but SO rewarding and so wonderful too!  The best part is thinking about all we have accomplished and overcome together over those past years.  Here's our greatest accomplishments so far:

A few nights ago, we lied in bed running down memory lane from the past 6 years, commenting on how much we've changed and what we have been through.  One thing we really both agreed on is that the trials and things we have faced and overcome over that time are what have strengthened our marriage the most as we have faced them together.

 When we were newly married and in college and had at one time $24 in our bank account, we thought life was SO tough and couldn't get much harder.... that life after college would be absolutely wonderful and stress free.  HAHAHA.  Oh man, if we only knew then how much more difficult the trials would be, we would have breathed easier and enjoyed it more!

One thing we have both come to the conclusion about though, is that we are never tested with something that is more than we can handle and our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need at certain times.  He started out pretty soft on us only because he knew how young and new to the whole learning and growing from hard times thing we were.  Now a days we might think we had it easy back then, but at the time, it was all a 20 & 24 year old newly married, soon to be new parents couple could handle.  We needed to learn to work together, communicate better and get a system down.  We needed to strengthen our faith and marriage.

  From there, the trials/tests have really only gotten more rigorous each time.  That is what life is about though.... continually learning and growing form new experiences.  Though figuring this out does make me nervous to face what lies ahead since we both know now that the hardest trials are most likely yet to come, we have a lot more faith in the learning process.  We have worked our butts off in the past 6 years to come together and thrive through the hard times and build that solid foundation and relationship in our marriage and family.  We can face whatever comes.  The Lord will test us, but will also be with us and will strengthen us as we work through whatever else may be coming our way.

I am so grateful for all we have been through and all the knowledge and experience we have gained along the way.  It truly has brought us closer.  I thought I was so in love on that beautiful sunny day 6 years ago, but now, oh man. Now, I REALLY love that man.  He has been my best friend and my rock by my side through thick and thin.  And that is just after 6 years.  I think I am beginning to understand why couples that have been married for 50+ years seems SO in love and why they usually have such a hard time when their spouse dies.  I can just barely imagine how much more in love we will be after going through a life time of experience together side by side.

I told John today that I expect to live to be 100 years old and him to 104. =)  That's 75 more years of experiences together on this earth.  I cannot wait.

So here's to 6 years going on 75!  I love you hon!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!  (or Annibirthdays as John has named today) =)

Mourn with those that Mourn

The past week has been tough.  I was originally planning on my next post being a "we're expecting #3!" announcement.  Unfortunately I had a miscarriage instead.  Hopefully that post will still be coming sometime in the future.  I know most people are very "hush hush" about this kind of thing and seem to try to sweep it under the mat, but there are 2 reasons I am writing this post:


1.) To explain & apologize   
2.) To record my feelings/count my blessings. 


 I have already learned a great deal through this trial and have an extreme amount of gratitude that I dont want to ever forget-  I am still hoping to make this blog into a book which I am hoping means our kids will read this when they are a little older and get something out of it


So here it goes:


Quick explanation:


I will spare you the gory details.... during an ultrasound last Thursday afternoon (July 28th) to check to see if everything was ok after some warning signs, it was discovered that while I should have been 13 weeks along from the time we knew we got pregnant, the baby showed to be only 8 weeks in size and no longer had a heartbeat. (I had a previous ultrasound at 7 weeks that showed a healthy heartbeat and no signs of trouble). With all the details now, we have concluded that the baby had trouble growing from the start and was not meant to live more than just a few weeks inside me before it returned to live with our Heavenly Father.


An Apology:


I have been SO sick for the past 2 months.  There have been some days when I could only handle a diet of applesauce and cheerios.  And even some days where I have thrown up that and just sipped on gatorade.  It has been really really hard and of course frustrating to end it like this instead of with a precious little baby in my arms.  


So, i really feel the need to apologize..... 


~Apologize for all the unanswered calls, emails, facebook messages, etc.
~Apologize for those whom I may have accidentally offended because they       thought I was ignoring them or decided I thought I was too good for them 
~Apologize for my lack of attention/effort to my wardrobe and makeup and hair  
~Apologize for my lack of energy and enthusiasm and lack of effort put into my normal activities and callings.  


Our family has honestly been in survival mode the last 2 months.  It has been really hard.  I was really sick with Baron and Jackson too, but this one was even worse.


True Empathy:


One thing this experience has given me is greater empathy for those who have also had miscarriages as well.  You really cannot truly understand the sorrow (and physical pain and unpleasantness!) of losing a baby, until it happens to you.  This experience has given me greater respect to those moms I know who have done this before.... especially those who have had a full 9 month pregnancy only to end with a stillbirth.  My heart aches for them so much.  I cannot imagine how tough that was for them emotionally.  My own mother had 4 miscarriages.  I always knew that, but never really thought much besides "that must have been hard" before now.  Talking this through with her, I wanted to cry and mourn for her for all those times.  I really felt for all her sorrow.


Gratitude:


Of course I have cried a lot and my heart has broken, but something I have gained already from this experience is an immense amount of gratitude.  It has been the gratitude that has filled my heart with love, peace and hope.  Here are the things I have been feeling gratitude for during this:




**The precious and healthy 2 little boys we already have and who fill my everyday life with so much joy.  I am very grateful for them!  They have been so sweet and understanding and have filled my heart with so much love and peace with the hugs they have given me through this.


**An amazing husband who has been by my side and really stepped up right from the beginning of the pregnancy through all the sickness, and has been my rock through losing the baby.  I honestly don't know what I would do without him.  I am so grateful I get him for eternity.


**The priesthood and the opportunity it gives for us to hear our Heavenly Father's personal message of love and comfort for us during out greatest times of need.  I am grateful for a worthy priesthood holding husband who can be that spokesman for Him.


**Our ward family.  We have had some wonderful friends step up and take the boys and feed us dinner and become our family as we don't have any relatives close by.  I am so grateful for the organization of wards and the compassionate people who fill ours!


**My Mom and her words of wisdom.  She is the first and only person I was able to talk to on the phone for a while.  I love her.  I am so grateful for her.  Not only did she listen to me cry, she told me the things I needed to hear...like that it was not only ok, but important to take the time to mourn for this baby, no matter how long or short it had lived just in me.  She talked me through everything and was exactly the person I needed.  I really do feel so badly for her that she had to do this 4 different times, but I also was so grateful that she knew exactly what I was going through and could truly empathize with me and give some much needed advice on all the icky, very physically unpleasant parts of it as well.


**Once again, gratitude for my mom- after I had to have a D&C surgery/procedure done last minute at the hospital last Sunday, my mom told me over the phone (while I was lying in a hospital bed coming out of anesthesia- that stuff makes me so loopy!), that she wanted to send me flowers, but decided to come in person instead.  I will forever be grateful to her (and for my dad and brother for sharing her with me!) for this.  I can't tell you how much it meant to have my mom here this week.  Just to have her to talk to in person was a comfort, but she also went grocery shopping with me, cooked wonderful meals, scrubbed our place from top to bottom, entertained and spoiled the boys, and helped me rest, heal, and slowly get back into the swing of things.  It has been exactly what I needed this week.  She even managed to squeeze in an afternoon of sewing which resulted in some new drapes for our bedroom, a new pillow for our couch and one for our bed, church bags for the boys, shortened pillow cases and some clothes hemming.  She truly is a superwoman! 




**And lastly, gratitude for all the love and support and prayers sent our way.  I sometimes have struggled to know what to do and say when a friend or family member is going through a loss or just a hard time with a certain trial.  I have learned a great deal over the past week of what matters.  Here are my thoughts:  


The first two days, I really did not want to talk to anyone, except my mom.  I needed to cry, vent and hope for the future with her (so with someone you are really close to), but just couldn't really attempt to form words without balling to anyone else.  I am sure in a few more days or weeks, I will be able to talk about it more to some friends, but not while it was really fresh... at that point I was just trying to keep it under control.  But, some of our family and the very few close friends who we have told (and who so lovingly watched our boys all day for us) just sent simple texts or e-mails expressing their sorrow for us and their love and prayers.  Every time I read them I cried.  Even just a mere "sending a hug your way" would make me cry.... but in a good way.  I could honestly feel the love and prayers sent and it really touched both John and I.  It was exactly the support we needed.  It honestly wasn't anything long or time consuming.  A simple email of "we are thinking about you and mourning for your loss" really meant a lot.  Gave a whole new meaning to me of the scripture in Mosiah where it says,  "to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort."




All said and done it has been a very bitter/sweet experience and we have a lot of hope for the future.  For anyone going through some difficult trials and having a hard time seeing through the pain and frustration to the blessing that will come eventually, listen to this short, 30 minute message:  




http://mormonchannel.org/programs/stories-from-general-conference-episode-34?lang=eng#d


I promised it will be worth ever second of your time and I sincerely hope it will touch and inspire you as it has me.  




Thanks again to all for your love and support.  We truly feel blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful and good friends and family. 

4th of July Fun

I know it has been FOREVER since I've updated the blog.... I have really good excuses between sickness and vacations and the fact that John took ALL of our pictures off the computer to store it in an external hard drive to save memory space on here before I could blog.  Darn.

Anways, we had a great week away last week and took over 200 pictures, but figure I should start before that so I can get those in here!  Before we left for vacations, we had a great time on the 4th of July celebrating with The Jensen's, hanging out at Oak Hills waiting and watching the big fire work show.  Here are some pictures from that night:

The Progression of a 4 year old "gun"fight:

 It's not looking so good for Jackosn here....

SPARKLERS!

 Lucy little grin here is so darn cute!

Chief Jack

Hope everyone else had a great Independance Day! We are very grateful for the freedoms we have in this country and for those who fought and are still fighting for us!

Cape Lookout Hike

Last Saturday we went with some friends from our ward at church out to Cape Lookout, just a few miles south of Tillamook and hiked a total of 5 miles!  It was about 2.5 to the end of the trail which overlooks the Ocean and 2.5 back.  We had originally thought we would be hiking the shorter trail that ends at the beach, but somehow got the longer, muddy trail instead.  So we were a little dissappointed in that, but it was still fun and gorgeous out and we had a view of the coast and ocean most of the trail! I love the Oregon Coast.  It is so pretty.  Next time we drive all the way out to the coast though, you can bet we will be going straight to the beach and water.   John carried Bear in the hiking backpack and Jackson walked/ran the whole way! He was a trooper and loved it! I couldn't believe how much energy he had.  He didn't complain a single bit! In fact, he was still singing and throwing rocks by the end when the rest of us were beat.  Gotta love the energy of a  year old!  

The best part of the day?  Ending up at the Tillamook Cheese Factory for some delicious grilled cheese sandwhiches and ice cream of course! 

 Bear was pretty pooped by the end of the trail and took a nice little nap.... it's hard work being carried 5 miles :)

Got 1 minute and 2 seconds?

Please excuse the yawn towards the beginning. 

Happy Sunday! 

Evergreen Aviation and Space Museum

We decided our boys are too hooked on TV, Jackson especially.  I try to not to let them watch too much, and we generally go without cable so we don't watch too much, except during football season (GO DUCKS!) and a small time for March Madness of course.  We have often talked about getting rid of our TV altogether (well at least in the front room) and just getting a projector for movies.  My mom hardly ever let us watch any TV (just movies on Friday/Saturday nights really), and we use to complain so much how deprived we were... I have since thanked her for that and vowed to follow her path.

Putting the TV on time-out for Jackson has been a great motivator for him to have a better attitude, be more obedient, etc.  A few weeks ago, the TV happened to be on and I was trying to talk to Jackson.  He repeatedly ignored every single word I said.  And then I walked in front of the TV and he told me to move because I was blocking it.   That was the last straw.  I put TV on timeout then and there for 3 days completely until after their Father's and Sons campout.  The night they got home from that, they both were kind of giving us attitude and then when we went to pick him up from a friends house that night (since it was date night for us), Jackson wouldn't even say hi to us or turn away from the show they were all watching there.  So TV went back on time-out for the rest of the weekend.

 On Monday (2 weeks before Memorial Day), I had an idea.  We had talked about wanting to do something really fun for Memorial Day Weekend and had decided we really wanted to take the boys to the Aviation and Space Museum in McMinnville.  This place is not cheap however, and I didn't feel like taking them while they were giving us tons of attitude, talking back and having no respect.

So, for FHE that night we talked about being obedient and respectful and how the TV can be a fun privilege every now and then, but not an automatic go-to when we're bored.  Then I showed them online the pictures of the Aviation and Space Museum and said that if they went without TV for 12 more days and they started being more obedient and respectful to mom and dad that we would go there as a family at the end of the 12 days.  They were luckily all for that plan once I showed them the museum pictures.  We even made one of those circle chains so they could cut one off each day and see how close to the museum we were.

They made it, and even though they had their bad moments (after all they are 4.5 and 2.5 years old), a quick reminder of not going to the museum got them back in line.  I am so glad we did this.  It made that day so much more fun to celebrate together and it definitely made family life at home happier and better for us all.  We had a GREAT time at the museum! I am SO glad we went! We even got some sunny weather so we could explore the Tank Lawn and play on the Space Playground outside!  It was a great way to celebrate the memorial day weekend. And we have TONS of great pictures to document our fun day together.

Can you see us in the next picture? You may have to click on it... that's the Spruce Goose behind us (well only part of it!).  It was SO BIG! It took up most of the room.  It was so neat to see!!

 I LOVE this picture of my boys... aren't they so handsome?! =)  Plus, it is totally coincidence that Baron is wearing his Angels shirt and I got just "Angels" in this picture. haha.

 And the highlight for the boys was of course the airplane ride there.... I think they would have ridden it all day long if we'd had let them.

 This picture makes me smile... Jackson just had to check the bottom of the rockets to see where the fire comes out. It was pretty neat to see the rockets and space launch stuff.

 Why can't they ever look at the same time?  I may have to combine these 2 pictures.

After the Museum it was time for a Mommy/Daddy treat.... so we headed to the outlets to score some amazing deals on some new work clothes and summer clothes.  We were definitely exhausted by the end of the day, but it was a wonderful day!  Monday we also had a small bit of sun and had a delicious BBQ and played some serious Wii with some of our best buddies, The Jensen's.  I love 3 day weekends! And I am SO grateful to have a weekend to appreciate all those who served and fought in the past for our freedoms in this country and to keep us safe as well as all those who are continuing to serve and protect us today.  A GIGANTIC THANK YOU TO THEM!!!

Jackson at 4.5

I realized I have not done any updates about the boys lately and figured since they are now 4 1/2 and 2 1/2, it would be a good time to do so, especially for our family journal.  I have been thinking a lot about them lately and how much they have each changed.  I love these little boys.  They are SO MUCH FUN!! They are into new things all the time and are the ultimate boys.  Nothing makes them happier than camping, running around at the park, playing "superheroes" and "Bad Guys"with their capes and anything around the house that can be turned into a sword or gun.   I've been really noticing lately though their qualities and strong points that are coming out more and more the older they get, so I really wanted to write about those, as well as what they are like together.  I'll start this post with Jackson and do Baron's next month when he is officially 2 1/2.


ACTION JACKSON.... aka, FELITO

**He has renamed himself as Felito and even introduces himself at the park as so.  We have no idea where it came from, but he's been pretty consistent on reminding everyone that is his name for the past month or so.  Not sure how I feel about that. 






**We have really noticed lately, that one of his best qualities is his memory and attention to detail.  When we reminisce with him about a past event, he always amazes us by the types of things about that event/day that he remembers.  While the rest of us talk about "that museum, or the movie or the toy," he remembers what everyone was wearing, something funny someone had said, what we ate, who or what else was there, and lots of little details we don't even think to remember.  It's a great quality to have! I hope it keeps up!

**A TALKER.... have you ever been on Skype with him??  When he gets excited about something or seeing someone, he will not. stop. talking.  Poor Baron can hardly get a, "hi" in to my family when we skype.  My parents just laugh because they say it reminds them exactly of me and say that is exactly why Brittany was so shy when she was young... she just could never get a chance to say anything! My bad. 

**Loves to draw.  This is shocking.  He is our child who would bring home a blank coloring page from nursery week after week.  He never liked to color.  However, since he has learned to draw actual objects and subjects and especially with a pen, he has not stopped.  He will fill page after page with people, fish, shapes, robots, "transformers" and all kinds of stuff.  He loves it.  It reminds me so much of his daddy... John is always drawing furniture designs and random doodles.... I love it, especially because I absolutely cannot draw.  Even my stick figures are a disgrace.   I have always wished I could draw.  Jackson's attention to detail also comes into play here.  Even his fish have stripes and eyes and the smallest details you wouldn't normally as a 4 year old think to add onto your picture.  Maybe one day he will be an artist, or an architect!

**LOVES sports still and is coordinated.  I have probably mentioned it before, but I LOVE this! It is the one area I have no shame in bragging about. John and I both grew up playing lots of sports and having parents who were coordinated.  My dad taught us everything, from how to catch and throw a baseball, to playing tennis, smash ball at the beach, even roller bladding and hockey and everything in between! I love that Jackson loves learning and playing all sports too.  Just yesterday him and I played frisbee together at the park for half an hour... and it was fun! We were a good 15-20 feet apart and we could really actually play catch.  He could throw it right to me and then catch my throw.  What other 4 year old can do that so well??  (I told you I feel no shame in bragging about this... it makes me so proud)  =)  He is also still doing REALLY well in swimming.  He can now officially swim across the entire lap pool and is learning how to dive, loves loves loves jumping off the diving board, and his specialty strokes are backstroke and elementary backstroke (the one that looks like a frog).  He could do those perfectly forever, and he loves being in the water.  Makes his Grandma Sue proud!

(He is often found walking around with his sword in shirt like this- because "I'm a Ninja Turtle" as he puts it)

**Loves primary and loves to sing the primary songs.  He walks around singing them all day.  I love that he can sing some of them with the correct words now and for the whole song.  His favorites are "I will follow God's plan, Scripture Power, and Follow the Prophet."  I will post a video on here sometime of his cute little falsetto voice seeing one of these songs... but for now, here is him making up his own music.  Can you tell what he is into these days?  And sorry it is sideways... not sure how to fix that. 

We sure love our Jackson Jeffrey! He is tons of fun to have around!!